Is Rick Pitino ACTUALLY Emperor Palpatine?!?

Rick Pitino and Emperor Palpatine aren’t the same person, or at least not that any of us can prove; I mean, one’s a disgraced Hall of Fame basketball coach and the other is a fictitious dictator and evil space wizard that existed a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. But the more we’ve thought about it, the more we’ve found it odd that these two characters have quite a bit in common to the point that their virtually identical. Read on below as we point out a few similarities between these two characters.

They both are highly manipulative. 
The former UofL coach has been playing Louisville fans like a fiddle for years, just as the Emperor was playing both sides of the republic. Pitino has preached for years that doing the right thing is of the utmost importance with an unearned holier-than-thou attitude while secretly sleeping around and  “not-knowing-about-prostitutes.” He also was pocketing mad cash from ADIDAS, but not the Korn kind of ADIDAS, although it would make sense if he was into that too, not only because it’s bad music and he probably gets down with Fieldy and his Dreams, but because, you know, all day he dreams about that.

Both went through back channels to provide funding for their operation. 
While Rick Pitino and the University of Louisville’s basketball program utilized a shit ton of money from Adidas to further their brand, Palpatine manipulated both sides of the Clone Wars to justify generating his funding and consolidating his power.

Both eradicated enemies through political maneuvering.
The former Louisville basketball coach has silenced a number of people including reporters at press conferences, women he’s chosen to fornicate with (i.e. Karen Sypher). Simarlily, the Emperor deviously schemed both sides of a war to instill fear in the senate, which he then took control of.

Both groomed highly thought of powerful assistants. 
There’s no doubting that Rick Pitino has produced one hell of a coaching tree over the years. He’s produced a ton of high profile head coaches such as Billy Donovan, Tubby Smith, Mick Cronin, and his son Richard Pitino to name a few (there’s a shit ton more, go here for the complete list). On the flip side, Palpatine was also known to groom powerful Sith-assistants, or “Assithsants” if you’re nasty. (We have no shame in our game) Darth Maul,  Count Chocula Dooku, and Darth Vader are the most well known. 

Both have made promises they can’t keep.
Remember when Rick Pitino said that Louisville would never fall out of the top 25 again back in 2005? Yeah, then 2006 happened and the team not only spiraled out of the polls, but ended up in the dreaded NIT at the end of the season. Meanwhile Palpatine promised Anakin that he’d help him save Padme from dying, but we know how that turned out, right? Yeah, she dead.

Both ended up ultimately losing everything due to their own subordinates.
Pitino not only lost his job as the coach of the Louisville basketball team, but will apparently lose two Final Four appearances, the 2013 championship banner, and a few seasons worth of wins in the record books due to the now-infamous prostitution ring one of his assistants was running in the basketball dorms. Palpatine, of course was thrown down the reactor shaft of the Death Star by none other than Darth Vader, his prized apprentice. Soon after, Lando Calrission fired the money shot from the Millennium Falcon that would destroy the Death Star, effectively causing the Empire to be defeated.

They both aged horribly.
I know it’s not nice to poke fun at someone’s appearance, but jumping Jesus, Pitino’s face has morphed into a sunken Skeletor shape that looks like the middle part of that terrifying transformation scene at the end of The Last Crusade. Meanwhile the evil Emperor’s face was disfigured due to his own, ummm… force lightning? I guess? I think that’s what happened. But yeah, his face is gravely pale and sunken in, very similar to Pitino’s.

Both are rumored to be making a comeback. 
There have been rumblings that Pitino has already drawn interest from a few schools, one of which being FIU (that’s what I’ve heard anyway by an unreliable source, so take that with a grain of salt). On the flip side Palpatine has been long rumored to somehow still be alive and set for an appearance in one of the next two Star Wars films. Both of these suggestions are rumors based on mostly fan chatter.

Pitino/Palpatine photoshop by Jake Miller